Sunday, February 8, 2009

Thinking out loud

Sometimes I wonder what this life is going to bring. If I am taking the paths that are the best, most prosperous.
Justin is the best path that I have ever taken...the off beatin path that I ventured down and never looked back!
I wonder about the other paths that I have or currently am walking down. Grad school, it's a path that irritates and brings more tears then anything else and has a way of breaking down my world in just one night of class. Though, it is a path that is to better educate me, make me look better to the world and individuals that make up this nation. Though this MA will not bring in the money unless something magical occurs...haha! Plus, I am in this internship that does not tailor to the area that I would like to work, so I find myself frustrated or feeling like I am not putting my best foot forward. I know that I have to take these steps that I may not enjoy, but what is the point at the end of the day when you are not fulfilled? What is the point when you come home grumpy? Dread class? I try to carry optimism around me the best I can but then there are moments when I have to Qin it all.
I am 24, college grad, engaged, but working as an ABA therapist and in a sense nanny for one family. O and counselor trainee who makes little for her hrs. I feel like I should be more in this world or at least contribute more to the economy and my household. I hate that little of my earned money is going towards this wedding and because of that other dreams Justin and i have must be put on hold. Like buying a house! He loves looking at houses on the market, like a hobby, and I hate that we can not be serious about looking into them. Not even next fall after the wedding. We can not wait to begin our own family together, but want to have a house over our heads not our apartment. I am fine with the fact that we will still be living with our rmmt after we are married, but I don't want to live with him for too much longer.
Basically, I wonder sometimes if I should get another job and consume my life of work and school only for the time being...or if I should look for a full time job and put school on the back burner...I just feel like I could or should be doing more to attain our dream. I know that I am still young (25 in a month ahhh) and have plenty of time to do so much...I just wonder. It's Sunday and I have had a lot of time to think.
I love my life for the most part right now and LOVE where it has brought me thus far...I just wonder sometimes. I am so excited SOOOOO excited about the wedding and starting my life with Justin. It will be the most beautiful event of the beginning of our lives as Man and Wife!
I just really needed to spill out my thoughts...irrational or rational...taking my advice for my clients ;-)

***I hope that everyone is happy, healthy and taking the paths that are paved or unpaved that make them feel fulfilled!***

Only 237 days til the BIG DAY!!!

Thanks for listening to me vent...Love to all!

1 comment:

  1. God brings us down all sorts of paths, some we understand and can see why, others we have no clue, our faith just takes us there and we continue to find that rainbow on the other side of those really dark clouds, keep your head up, you will end up where you want to, struggle or not!
    (okay now my mother hen moment is over)
    I'm So super excited that you have this blog and that I get to follow your experiences since I will never get to live these myself! :) yay!